The Chum (episode)
Transcript Good afternoon, complete strangers. thumb|right|400pxIt’s June 6, 2007. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re absolutely right. As a waiter, it’s natural to assume the concepts of kindness (Amen!), cooperation (sing it sister!), brilliance (whoo!), beauty (I agree with that one), all the traits held in high regard by standard humans. Such as you. If one is a waiter, it’s likely that they possess these traits (Hell yeah!). But it’s not always the case. There are, after all, many different types of waiters. Today I will discuss one such waiter. That waiter is the chum. The chum. The chum. The chum. Dictionary.com defines a chum as 1) a close or intimate companion or 2) cut or ground bait dumped into the water to attract fish to the area where one is fishing. Forget about definition two. Basically my definition of a chum is an overfriendly waiter. The chum falls under two different subsects: the chum jr. and the salesman. Jesus, it’s getting dark out. The chum jr. and the salesman have different but equally annoying methods of getting better tips. The chum jr. thinks that if he’s chummy enough, he will get the table to like him and therefore give him more money. Places! “Hi there. Welcome to music. How are you doing tonight?” “Doing okay.” “Oh, so you’re new in town, huh? What do you think so far? Did you try out our museums?” “Huh?” “I love the museums so much. Got any kids? How are they?” “Kids are dead.” “Uh huh. Well. You know kids are overrated anyways. Yeah, well. I think you’re going to have a good time tonight. I kind of like you. I kind of like you.” The salesman, or douchebag, will be overly descriptive and excited about certain expensive menu items – aka he will lie – thereby running up the tip percentage so he will make more money. Places! “Hey there! How’s it going tonight, buddy? You’re looking good. Listen… I think you should try our shiraz. It’s real good. Typical impressions are spice, smoke, tar, blackberry, strawberry, boysenberry, eucalyptus, daisy, sunflower. It goes well with our spicy Szechuan duck.” “My kids are dead.” This has been The Chum, Wheezy Waiter’s first installment of “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Waiters.” Wink Recurring themes This video is the first introduction of a clone, who plays the second part in the reenactments. This video is the first time that a wink that dings is used to end a video. This would become a trademark of Wheezywaiter videos later. This is the first installment of “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad ... There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Waiters”, a segment that would recur in Wheezy's videos in 2007. When Wheezy (the waiter) says the name of the restaurant in this video, the name of the restaurant is replaced by music. This recurs again and again in his videos. He finally reveals the name of the restaurant that is being replaced by the music in his video Swan Song. Category:Episodes